The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
