My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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