i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
