i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
