and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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