you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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