Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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