I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
