I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
In America we eat man semen.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
