We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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