You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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