Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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