So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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