He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
