That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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