I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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