My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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