i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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