I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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