have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
