Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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