I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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