help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
