Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
