when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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