I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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