i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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