My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
