We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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