i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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