Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
