You can't motorboat a personality
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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