matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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