Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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