i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
