Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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