I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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