I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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