I want to make a zoo with you.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
