Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
