I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
