Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
