I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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