My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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