What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
