At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
