ADVERTISEMENT

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

  Fav 35 4436 918

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.

  Fav 28 1084 2400

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.

  Fav 28 1238 4839

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.

  Fav 38 2141 4481

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted some perfectly good semen on her

  Fav 17 1274 5374

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.

  Fav 16 4483 1525

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...

  Fav 9 1286 2800

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls

  Fav 1 2108 830

  share tweet
  

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that

  Fav 6 1580 878

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?

  Fav 12 957 1255

  share tweet
  

• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work

  Fav 1 850 541

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.

  Fav 1 958 550

  share tweet
  

• (661): View more from California

  my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework

  Fav 2 786 655

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone

  Fav 0 20 36

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (805): View more from California

  i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts

  Fav 0 46 4

  share tweet
  

Randomize