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• (248): View more from Michigan

  yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss

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• (415): View more from California

  I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

  (510): View more from California

  I hope so

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.

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• (631): View more from New York

  using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.

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• (585): View more from New York

  He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.

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• (408): View more from California

  I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Hold me and let me compliment your butt

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together

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• (817): View more from Texas

  The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.

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