This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
