Banned from zoo.
Again?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
