Even the bartender felt bad for me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
