remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
