Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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