thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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