Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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