Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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