That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
