When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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