I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His nipple licking is glorious
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