morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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