you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
