I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
