I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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