Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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